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October 26 a self-preservation thingIn "Love Actually", When Keira asked that guy (sorry I forgot his name) why he always pretended not liking her while he was actually deep in love with her. He, being the best friend of Keira's husband, said, "it's a self-preservation thing".
I still remember the days when we, or at least I, would use all the strength to love someone. But since when did we all learn to protect ourselves?
A friend said, "It's not that he doesn't make me happy. I don't feel happy because I feel I like him too much. More than how he likes me. So I am leaving." Come to think about it, that's some strange logic.
Another friend felt drawn to a boy who's in a relationship, a steady one. I think secretly loving someone who's not available is like being a coward. You protect yourself by choosing to love someone you can't love.
And I have friends who have un-exclusive relationships with different people. You avoid the responsibilities and protect yourself by choosing not to develop serious relationships.
I don't know. I think this whole love & relationship thing is even more difficult to grasp than a PhD project. I am not good at intimacy either. I protect myself by not giving away myself too much, by maintaing certain distance with anyone.
Maybe that's the adult world. I don't like it.
Is that so?Does anyone else find this sentence strangely appealing? Exotic, even. Especially with a little southern accent.
When I heard Josh Lucas say it in Sweet Home Alabama, with that lazy bad-boy tone, I felt wierdly drawn to it. I guess my American friends won't understand it. I heard this again today. Twice, actually. Ah... sometimes language has beautiful power.
Is that so... October 21 The first football game I ever watched, Duke vs MiamiAnd we allllllllmost beat Umiami. 15-20 and we were only 6 yards away from a winning touchdown. Sooooooooo close. Well, yes, Umiami's got a depleted squad (due to some serious fighting last week and 13 players were suspended). But still, getting so close to winning over Umiami is something you don't usually see here in Duke, on the football ground.
Oh, and in case any of my friends in China are reading this, the "football" here isn't really the football played in the rest of the world. That's called "soccer" here.
It's the first time that I ever went to a football game. Everyone knows that Duke football sucks and they haven't won a single game this season. But it's a beautiful Saturday with gorgeous sunshine and I didn't wanna be the pathetic loner working with mice. The game turned out to be really exciting and we almost pulled off an upset. When we got to the stadium (after my friends had enough beer in the parking lot), it was 0-17 with Duke scoring absolutely nothing. There were about half-half fans from either school, which surprised me because I wasn't expecting so many Duke people. We began cheering for Duke and of course, my friends began yelling and challenging the Miami fans with not-so-nice words. (At certain point, I was like....hmmmm, maybe it's safer to keep away from these crazy guys.hehe.) And miraculously, Duke was doing better and better in the final quarter and we got 15 points while Miami only gained 3. The stadium heated up. I was actually feeling nervous. 3 minutes. Miami's offense. We stopped them! 90 seconds, we started at 50 yards. A terrific pass and we were 6 yards away from the touchdown! Everyone's holding their breaths. Securities were lining up around the ground in case people would rush the groud should we won. 3 seconds! Just one last play! Awwwwwwwwwwwww..... the ball was intercepted. We lost. But proudly.
The benefit of being with a group of crazy graduate students, who yelled, shouted, cursed, and danced all the way to the end, was that we were on TV~~~haha...No idea what channel would broadcast it and surely no one that I know would watch a Duke football game on TV, but it's still cool to be captured on camera. haha.
I guess now my friends are still in the parking lot drinking even more beer. I seriously hope that they won't do anything stupid to release the excessive energy they saved up for rushing the ground. haha...
October 06 get my new cell phone~~hoho, even has a camera in it.. I didn't expect that..:)
Still the same phone number. October 05 recent love storiesYesterday, a friend of mine told me excitedly, "I kissed him!" Oh, god, you should see that happy expression on her blushing face. Even her eyes looked like shining. It reminded me how sweet love could be, when it just begins. A friend from high school is feeling a bit blue recently. The girl he loved for years just got married and he attended the wedding. Almost all my high school friends are married or planning to get married, yet he's still single. I'm sure he already let go and moved on long time ago, but sometimes it's just always there deep in your heart. Talking about wedding, the boy I liked at that time is getting married soon, too. Luckily I won't be there. well, I think I should stop watching ramance movies. I've been very sentimental recently. I like being sensible more. October 02 Lost my cell phone:( Just couldn't find it anyway. I was planning to ditch it anyway, but not before I can transfer all those contact info~ And in 5 days I am going to Chicago.. Imagine a trip without cell phone... :(((((((((( September 26 Yellow FeverA friend recommended a short home-made video on youtube called "Yellow Fever". It was hilarious. The manga-like acting, the funny sound effect, the cute actor, the T-shirt with Chinese characters 白人看不懂 (meanning: white people can't understand this)...It's just frigging funny. Maybe a little bit racism,yes, but not in a hostile way. A lot of stereotype things, but yeah, things are called stereotype because they do frequently happen!
A brief search of "yellow fever" totoally surprised me. I didn't even know there's such a trend. Just facebook alone has about 40 groups related to yellow fever. As I understand, the expression is no longer limited to the sexual preference (especially non-Asian guys for Asian girls), it represents any preference for anything Asian, such as food, culture, pop music and movies, anime...It totally surprised me that so many people claimed (at least they say) to have "yellow fever". While I surely don't feel like this way around here, even though it's pretty populated by Asians. I actually met someone who told me that he hated Asian food! (I didn't know such people exsited, hahaha..kidding)
September 18 Root and WingWhen asked about my favorite quotes, "You can have roots and wings" from "Sweet Home Alabama" simply appeared in my heart. Roots and Wings. My dear friends, we traveled half of the planet in search of our wings, have you found them? And somewhere along the journey, did you lose the direction back to your roots? I think I am lost. A man's word is everythingDo we really hear men say this nowadays? sometimes, people with a traditional view of value are precious. September 17 Just back from department retreatAnnual visit to the beaufort marine lab was not as boring as I thought to be, after all. Yes, the talks were long but some of them were quite interesting. And the talent show was so amazing that I almost lost my voice this morning due to the excessive yelling and cheering. It's always fun to get the faculties do something funny or embarrasing...haha...you just never know who could turn out to be a total partyer/drunko. Living in a trailer home and sleeping in bunk beds are not so bad, especially when your porch has a terrific, breathtaking waterfront view. It's so beautiful and romantic that you just feel like being in a dream. Sitting on the dock, listening to the guys playing guitar, counting the stars that you haven't seen for many years, and being surprised by the fish which kept jumping out of the water...... And of course, getting drunk. I didn't pass out or anything, but I do believe that I've set some sort of alcohol consuming record of my own in the past weekend. Playing pingpong with americans definitely made me feel athletic, haha, although I am actually such a poor player. Chatting with people who you've never talked to turned out be nice surprises. Although I kind of regret now that I probably said a lot of stupid things and made an idiot of myself. Well, I guess that's it. Once in year, you let loose of yourself. I suppose it's not too bad. The fun's over. Let's get to work. September 13 Several great movies I wached recently1. "Good Will Hunting"
Will Hunting (Matt Damon) is a genius with photographic memory who grew up in the shady neighborhood of Boston. Being an orphan, he went through several foster homes and were physically abused throughout his childhood. He worked as a janitor in MIT and solved a math problem which no MIT student could work out. His talent was then discovered by the professor who brought the therapist Sean Maguire (Robin Williams). Sean is the first real challenge Will had ever met. As trust and respect grew in Will's heart, his world was about to change...
Matt Damon is THE actor in Hollywood that I love most. Neither best-looking nor sexy, he has something with him that is amazingly attractive. He's also superb at acting especially at his lines or narration. I simply love this guy. This movie was written by him and Ben Affleck, who won an Oscar together for their terrific writting. The movie has so many memorable lines, which are witty and funny, that I just couldn't help thinking about them days after I first watched it. A+ movie, definitely a must-see. I just regret that I didn't watch it earlier.
2."Love Actually"
A great British comedy, incredibly funny and extremely romantic. Instead of telling one love story, this movie portraited eight different stories which are loosely connected. Each story touches my heart with its distinct way. There were times that I felt heartborken but most of the time I was surrounded by the sweetness of love. The movie starred with a lot of great British actors and actresses, including Hugh Grant, Keira Knightly, and Alan Rickman (Professor Snape!!!), but I was so impressed by the Brazlian superstar (not-so-famous in Hollywood) Rodrigo Santoro. This guy is damn HOT~~ My roomates and I immediately went online to search for his information, haha.
3. "Sweet Home Alabama"
Melanie Smooter (Reese Witherspoon) is an up-and-coming clothes designer in NY and she found herself engaged with the most eligible bachelor Andrew Hennings, the son of NY's mayor. However she is still married to the Alabama backwoods husband Jake Perry (Josh Lucas), who has been refusing to divorce her in the past 7 years. Melanie went back to Alabama, determined to get Jake to sign the divorce bill and to sever all the ties with her past. However the trip down the memory lane revealed her true feelings and she found herself never actually gotten over her first-love.
Reese is as always pretty, cute, and pleasantly funny. I like her a lot. Josh Lucas has the most beautiful blue eys. When he watched Malenie with that warm and loving look, I could feel myself melted. Dreamy, yes, that's the word for Josh Lucas. Maybe it's because I always love small-town life, I think the way they pictured the little southern town is really nice. Yes, there are a lot of stereotype things, but southern people are portraited as warmhearted, family-oriented and rather charming. And the fall scenary was terrific too. I feel like I could live there for my whole life. If you like romance but don't like tear-jerking tragedy, this one is for you.
September 07 A day with ups and downsToday unfolded like anyday else. Realizing that my boss is this close to getting really angry with me, I decided to motivate myself and went to mouse room to do some injections. I joked as I was leaving the lab, "if I am not back in an hour, I must've been biten or eaten by those monster mice. So come rescue me!" They joked back about setting a timer for me, things like that.
Halfway through my routine injections, I was just wiping the liquid off the exterior of a syringe with a wet paper towel, suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my finger. Reflectively I jerked back the syringe, shook off the towel, and saw a blood stain in my glove. "Oh, shit!" It was actually pretty deep, so the blood was oozing out. We don't have a emergency kit in that surgery room, so I had to rush back to lab. Everyone was like, "hey it's only 30 minutes~~ You are quick this time." "Yeah I didn't get biten by the mice. I actually poked my OWN finger with the needle!" I mumbled some curses and dealt with my poor bloody finger with some bandages.
So I was thinking, OK, today sucks. But when I went back to continue my injections, a lady came to me and told me that she's a inspector and wanted to watch me doing injection!! Talk about luck! I got really nervous, realizing that anything wrong could give the whole lab a hell lot of trouble. Even this simple i.p. injection seemed complicated now. I breathed, and slowly did the injection, trying to do every step as carefully as I could manage to. The lady took my name and PI's name, and wrote something down in her notebook. Well, there we go.
Several hours later, my boss came to me, holding a piece of paper. "So the email about your inspection is here already." His face remained expressionless, and to me it looked rather stoned. "Oh my god.. I know I didn't do it right." I read the email. Aha~~HO HO HO YO HO~~ I actually got a commendation~~ hahahaha..
Here is part of the email:
"Shudan is to be commended for her attention to the datails, the professional manner in which the animal activities were conducted, and the humane manner in which the animals were handeled. ....... Congratulations on the job well done!"
Well, well, well. I put the email printout up on the board outside of our lab and highlighted that part. I just couldn't stop smiling in the rest of the day. Ha~~
August 30 总结一下我看过的英文小说 (III)With the experience from reading the LOTR, I decided that probably I should stick to reading children's books. "Ann of the green gables" came to my notice. This 8-book series has been an all-time popular choice for the American youth, and the online reviews are all like A+.
So I got the whole set from Ebay and dived into the beautiful world of Ann. The series is about the whole life of a lovely, sweet and smart girl Ann who was adopted and began live in the "green gables". I love the setting of the story. A nice quiet village with lots lots of trees and flowers, lovely houses, and interesting (OK, maybe not THAT interesting) people. For Ann, everything looks just beautiful. How can a little girl like her have so many wild imaginations, funny ideas and still manage to be so sincerely warmhearted and caring that you just can't help from loving her. I like the way a little girl fusses about her pretty dress, and enjoy to see how she worries about her red hair, how she talks to herself and everything else all the time, how she wins everyone's heart. Little Ann grows up. She becomes the teacher in her own school. It was an interesting read to see how Ann deals with kids of all problems. And Ann goes to college~~ Yes, she is always smart and hard-working. How could boys not pursue her? And we get to see how she made mistakes about her true feelings and how she and Gilbert finally found each other after long misunderstandings and seperation. But oh wait~~Ann is going to be headmastress far away and Gilbert has to stay to be a doctor. In all those long letters she wrote to Gilbert we had a peek at her never-quiet life and her real love for Gilbert. And then they finally get married~~After a simple yet extremely beautiful wedding, they arrived at their house of dreams in a seaside town, where Ann grew to be a wonderful wife and neighbour. And we got to hear romantic stories of sailors.
Somewhere after book5, in which Ann started her life at the House of Dreams, I stopped reading. But I always intended to pick up book 6 again and continue the life-adventure with Ann, with Gilbert and their children.
Ann of the Green Gables series is easy and fun to read. They might not make you laugh, but you always find yourself smiling. They may not be heartbreaking, but now and then you find it touching. I would definitely recommend them to anyone. 总结一下我看过的英文小说 (II)So since Rowling insisted having the world waiting for another one or two years, I had to hunt for other books. I thought that "Lord of the Rings" series would be similarly fun to read. They are both about imaginary world and are both world-wide popular. 10 pages into the first book of the triology, I started regretting. These books are not written for younger readers. The setting of the story is probably centries ago so that the language used in the books are sort of like "acient English". That's my guess. Because it's simply too difficult for me to read. A lot of characters with complicated names, tons of places with even more difficult-to-remember names. I could tell that it's a great triology with grand setting, but.. it's just too much for me. So I put them back onto my bookshelf, and never touched them again. If anyone likes to read, you are perfectly welcome to borrow them.
总结一下我看过的英文小说 (I)OK, it's been five months since the last time I had fine mood to blog anything. So it's sort of a long-due debt. I was communicating with a girl about our favorite books and it suddenly dawned on me that I've read enough books in the past year and I actually should summarize them. My crazy reading started last winter. What triggerred it I don't remember. Maybe it was the Harry Potter 6? Never mind. Let's start with my favorite, Harry Potter. OK, do I really need to say anything about it? I am a fan of Harry. So far I've read every single book for at least 3 times. I borrowed CDs of these books and listened to them before sleep. My friends think I am crazy because I can remember all those details of the magic world and can actually recite some parts of the books. Well, what can I say? The whole world is in love with Harry. Rumor has it that J.K.Rowling is going to finish off Harry in the last book. If so, I guess I'll hate the woman for my whole life. Many readers hope to see a Harry-Hermione story, while I am perfectly happy with the Ron-Hermione love. Don't you think these two are just a younger version of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley? How adorable! And Ginny is good for Harry too. She is grown into such a wonderful character that I am totally convinced that Harry must be attracted to her. Oh, and the twins~~~I mean, who will NOT love the trouble-maker duo? Hah.. if I were to choose, I would definitely go for either of the twins. So many theories are out there online about the 7th and last book of Harry Potter series. One of the hottest debate is about the ture loyalty of Snape. Well, I like Snape and I have complete faith in this character that he would turn out to be on the good side. Does anyone think that Snape in the movie looks oddly sexy? haha.. Maybe I am weird.
April 06 宽容这两天，mitbbs的biology版又开始了一场对该版“月经话题”的讨论－－究竟该不该quit biology。不过，我不想讨论这个问题。
让我颇有感触的是，还有少部分的真正的生物学热爱者对这些动摇不定的同行所抱的态度。"当初做选择的时候干什么去了" “还不是自己选的" "根本就不是为了做研究而来的” “不想钻研的早点走人，别占着别人的位置”。 言辞间颇为苛刻。我想，以他们对生物学这种热爱来说，我们这些只把生物学当成一种职业并且渐渐地发现它并不是一种理想职业的凡人，的确是很值得鄙视的。
我在想，是不是成功的人，或者说找到自己人生定位的人，在冷看周围庸庸碌碌挣扎着的人群时，都会有这样的想法呢。觉得他们不够努力，不够坚持，不够奉献牺牲，实在是混帐之至呢。
我在想，以前，当成绩还是衡量一个学生几乎唯一的标准时，很"成功"的我，是不是也这样想过呢。
不记得是什么时候看过的电视剧里。一个老者对一个执着的年轻人说，"宽容一些吧。这个世界上有很多人不象你这样幸运，在人生刚开始的时候就找到了自己一生的归宿。他们努力着寻找着。有的人一辈子也没有找到。可是这样的人生也是人生啊。” 当时心里就有些震动，然而随着岁月的流逝我才能逐渐体会那种宽容。
中学的时候，经常有人上课不自觉地睡着。其他老师总是很生气。唯有我们的物理老师很有趣，总是对我们说，"其实这些同学比其他人更努力。眼皮实在是都挣不开了，他们还努力想撑着呢。最后还是撑不住，可不是他们不想撑着呀。以后，哪个同学觉得困了，就自己主动到教室边上或者后面站一会。站着不容易困。觉得清醒了再自己坐回来。" 一开始我们都笑，觉得这是他讽刺挖苦的一种方式，变相地罚站。渐渐地我们发现他是很认真地这么觉得。渐渐地有同学真的主动站到后面去了，站一会又坐回来。他很高兴。我生平第一次发现，什么叫做换个角度思考，什么叫做宽容和体谅。
让我们都多一些宽容和体谅吧，对别人，也对自己。浩瀚的人生，找到自己的坐标不容易。我们需要支撑和坚持，有时候也需要站起来去清醒一下，更需要无论是坚持还是转变都能体谅尊重和欣赏我们的人。
March 30 I need a change in lifeNot satisfied with the way life is.
Not satisfied with the way I am.
I think it's time for some necessary change. Change a little, change a lot.
Be aggressive and be brave. Set a goal, and work for it.
March 28 What's your perfect major?So it seems I am supposed to be in English major or be a journalist. Both of these careers were my dreams in middle school. And what really funny is, the least thing I am supposed to be is BIOLOGIST! hahaha.. I knew it!!!
March 24 Sleepless in Durhamcan't sleep. Simply hurts.
I guess it's a sleepless night in Atlanta too.
March 23 Forever BlueWe lost.
Tears in eyes, pain in the heart, I turned off TV.
We lost, not to baby Shaq. Facing this 310-pound matchup, Shelden Williams stepped up and literally carried the whole struggeling team on his shoulder.
But he did not have help from his fellow all-american. The all-time shining Duke star JJ Redick finished his briliant career with such a disappointing play.
I could hear laughter from all over the continent. The most hated college player Redick fell again, on the same road. Indy is as fas away as it was last year. But this time, JJ has no second chance. It's FINAL.
March is still crazy, but JJ and shelden's final March ended.
Coach K is still Coach K. But he will always remember once he had a best shooter with Duke's all-time shooting record, a best defense power with Duke's all-time rebound record. Yet they left, without the precious title, full of regret.
The opponents are celebrating with tremendous joy. Fellow seniors are swallowing tears, not believing they've just said goodbye to their March, forever. The 3-18 play that crushed his final dream will become a nightmare, haunting JJ over and over again.
It's the end of an era, so tragic and painful.
The sun still rises and life still goes on. So, let it be, let it be. We won't forget you, shelden and JJ, won't forget the joy and pain you brought us, the hope and desperateness we all experienced through the years.
Farewell, JJ. Farewell, Shelden. Farewell, the 2006 class.
Farewell, March.
And we are forever BLUE~~
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