In "Love Actually", When Keira asked that guy (sorry I forgot his name) why he always pretended not liking her while he was actually deep in love with her. He, being the best friend of Keira's husband, said, "it's a self-preservation thing".

 

I still remember the days when we, or at least I, would use all the strength to love someone. But since when did we all learn to protect ourselves?

 

A friend said, "It's not that he doesn't make me happy. I don't feel happy because I feel I like him too much. More than how he likes me. So I am leaving." Come to think about it, that's some strange logic.

 

Another friend felt drawn to a boy who's in a relationship, a steady one. I think secretly loving someone who's not available is like being a coward. You protect yourself by choosing to love someone you can't love.

 

And I have friends who have un-exclusive relationships with different people. You avoid the responsibilities and protect yourself by choosing not to develop serious relationships.

 

I don't know. I think this whole love & relationship thing is even more difficult to grasp than a PhD project. I am not good at intimacy either. I protect myself by not giving away myself too much, by maintaing certain distance with anyone.

 

Maybe that's the adult world. I don't like it.